User Story: Jezzika Terasaur

Hey musers,

One of the things I would love to do is to highlight users stories. Jezzika Terasaur has submitted one for us about her involvement in milkmade I hope you will enjoy it.

Not Just a Game Anymore

In 2011 I was involved in an accident with a drunk driver. Some friends and I were headed to the lake to celebrate my new job I just landed as a receptionist at a law firm which was great money. The jeep was loaded down with beer, poles, and all our camping stuff…including 4 propane cans for the camping equipment. I was just listening to the radio staring out the passenger window in the front seat. Two of my friends in the back.

We stop at an intersection that we had been, I swear, 5 million times. We were coming up to the light and the light had been red but then turned green so we didn’t slow down much. From nowhere an escalade came crashing into us. He was drunk going 60 through a red light into the intersection.

He hit our jeep so hard the back side of his vehicle swung around and hit our back side causing my friend’s head to go through the back window; fortunately he was alright. My friend behind me put his arm between the frame and my seat to move my head if he hadn’t broken his arm doing that I would have likely been decapitated because of the way I was sitting and the way I had my seat belt.

Upon impact I was the only one severely hurt because everyone else saw it and reacted but because I was not paying attention I was tossed like a rag doll. As a result the seat belt wrapped around my left breast and in the toss forward of the crash tightened and ripped skin, tissues, and milk glands. My friend who was driving kicked his door open because I was bleeding and drug me out of the car causing my bare feet to hit the shattered glass…they carried me to the grass where my body went into shock and I stopped breathing. I woke up in the ER head tapped to a board and barely able to talk. When everything was said and done I left with heavy cuts, glass still in my feet (they did not do a good job cleaning the cuts) and in the worst pain of my life.  It had only been 3 hours since the collision and the internal damage caused blood to build up in the lower side of my left breast which they had to constantly drain. For several weeks following the accident I had a tube kept in my breast to slowly drain any fluids that built up while I healed.

The damage done to my breast means that I may never be able to feed from my left breast, and scar tissue there puts me at a higher risk for cancer.

The drunk driver was fine.

To add insult to injury the friend who was driving was my boyfriend and a few weeks after the wreck he dumped me because he wanted his children breastfed and could not be with a broken woman. The scars I have been left with are honestly humiliating and it feels degrading to have to explain them.

When I started milkmade, it was a fun game, but it got me thinking about my own ability to make milk physically and I got curious. I started researching forced lactation. And found that was more easily achievable than I had thought.   I knew it could be done herbally and hormonally. I decided to try to see if I could produce, that I am not broken. I have begun herbal therapy to try to stimulate lactate and to see if I can still produce or if the damage was too severe. I want to know if I am able to make milk when and if I have children.

Milking is more than just a game for me now. It is a way to mend something inside and feel like a woman and not just something that takes up space failing to do one of the basic things that my sex should be capable of.

To some this is a game…to me it’s healing.

A true Reflection